I suppose I should formally introduce myself. For the sake of Internet anonymity, I'll call myself Autumn. I was barely 23 when I was diagnosed with endo. I didn't/don't have severe pain during my periods or during most of my cycle. My diagnosis came about after enduring more than a month of the most excruciating abdominal pain on my right side, which was eventually found to be a 10cm ovarian cyst. Upon removal of the cyst through laproscopy, my gyno found the beginnings of endometriosis. He told me after the surgery that he had gotten rid of it. Though I was never officially given a "stage", I think it was probably Stage 1. I'm sure he probably mentioned that it can cause problems trying to conceive, but honestly at 23 and single I was not concerned at the time.
Flash forward 5 years and I am now barely 28, and happily married to my DH for less than a year. The hubby and I started talking about trying to make a baby this summer, but it was more just something we giggled about and didn't take too seriously. A little over a month ago I started having odd pain in my abdomen. After going to several doctors I found a gyno (I've since moved out of state since my last surgery) who found a 6cm cyst on my right ovary. When I brought up that my husband and I were thinking about starting a family in the somewhat near future a serious look passed over my gyno's face. She said to me with the utmost certainty "I see that you have been diagnosed with endometriosis. If you want to have kids, I would highly recommend starting immediately. It will probably be difficult for you to conceive". I know I should have been more prepared for this, but I still felt blindsided. I have always, ALWAYS wanted to be a mom. I thought I was doing the responsible thing by waiting until I found a man who I loved and who loved me back and waiting until getting married to start trying. Now I feel as though I am being punished by preventing pregnancy for all these years. So I told her we would start trying immediately, but she said that with the ovarian cyst hanging out my hormones would probably be out of whack and I would not be ovulating until it went away.
When I got home I lost it. I started reading the statistics on endometriosis and TTC and just feel apart. I feel like I should have been more informed, and am angry at myself for this. I stayed in bed for days and cried and grieved. I wanted to give up before we even started. I wanted to throw the towel in and submit to endometriosis. Why bother being disappointed every month? The only thing that made me feel better (other than my DH) was reading blogs that other women TTC with endometriosis had formed. Some have been successful, others haven't...YET. Reading their stories gave me a renewed sense of hope. I will do everything in my power to NOT let endometriosis get the best of me and my dreams to be a mom. I hope that my blog will someday help someone else struggling with endometriosis who wants to start a family.
So I'm bringing my A-game in my fight against endo, and I'm hoping for a win. This begins my journey down the road that I am hopeful will lead to motherhood.
0 comments:
Post a Comment